The highly principled traveler's dilemma
<a href=www.sun-sentinel.com>Sun-Sentinel.com Travel Columnist : Thomas Swick Published April 27, 2003
"Well, I won't be going to France this year, not after the way they behaved toward this country. And no trips to Germany or Russia, either."
"No big sacrifice. There's a huge world beyond those three malcontents. Italy for example -- they supported us."
"Are you suffering from amnesia? They fought against us in World War II, with that fascist Mussolini."
"Of course. Well, how about Spain -- the glories of El Greco, Cervantes, Almodóvar?"
"The horrors of Franco. Besides, I haven't forgiven Spain for 1492, when they kicked out all the Jews."
"And Muslims."
"There you go."
"You seem to have overlooked Greece -- birthplace of Plato and democracy."
"Land of Papandreou and anti-Americanism."
"And neutral Switzerland?"
"Full of smug bankers who've never come clean about what happened to Jewish fortunes after the war."
"There's always Eastern Europe -- the Polish mountains, the beautiful islands of Croatia ..."
"The old anti-Semitism."
"Alright, forget the Continent. Go to England -- `that green and pleasant land,' our staunch ally, cradle of our mother tongue."
"With its brutal history of imperialism?!?"
"Ireland then."
"And support the IRA?"
"I've got it! Iceland."
"Three-fourths of the population would like to see the return of whale hunts. And they eat puffin."
"Perhaps you should look at another part of the globe. What about Asia?"
"Asia's got SARS."
"Africa?"
"Repression AND disease."
"Australia? You can't say anything bad about Australia."
"Unless you're an aborigine."
"New Zealand has the Maori problem."
"Now you're getting it."
"I take it you're not crazy about South America."
"Unrest in Bolivia, crime in Brazil, economic crisis in Argentina, guerrillas in Colombia, kidnappings in Guyana, demonstrations in Venezuela -- what's not to dislike?"
"There's always the Caribbean."
"Ah, yes -- Cuba. Why don't I just defy our government and travel illegally to a country ruled by a megalomaniac dictator whose response to the war in Iraq was a crackdown on dissidents?"
"I was thinking of someplace a little less political, say, St. Martin?"
"Half French."
"Jamaica?"
"Formerly British."
"What about Mexico? Mexico is a cheap, colorful, gracious country."
"That brazenly puts down peasant rebellions in Chiapas."
"I suppose you don't like Canada now because they didn't support our intervention."
"Bingo! Plus, they have SARS and French-speakers."
"Well, it looks as though you're going to have to stay in the United States. Nothing wrong with that. You know, this year Louisiana is celebrating the 200th anniversary of its purchase from the ..."
"French!"
"The Gulf coast of Mississippi has gumbo as good as in New Orleans -- and gambling."
"And the horrific legacy of slavery."
"New England is lovely in the summer."
"If somehow you can put out of your mind the slaughter of American Indians, the burning of `witches,' the mistreatment of non-Anglo immigrants."
"Chicago. Everybody likes Chicago, a living museum of American architecture."
"Shameless glorifier of American gangsters."
"The hearty Wild West."
"The hapless Cherokee and Shoshone."
"California! Home of movie stars and computer wonks."
"Founded by culturally insensitive missionaries."
"Then forget it. Just stay home."
"Like this place is faultless!"
"I hate to say this, but short of suicide ..."
"No, there's one last option."
"Yes?"
"Circumnavigation."
Travel Editor Thomas Swick can be reached at tswick@sun-sentinel.com.