Jockstrip: The world as we know it

www.upi.com By Ellen Beck United Press International From the Life & Mind Desk Published 3/21/2003 4:00 AM

THINGS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND The Catholic faithful in Caracas, Venezuela, are lining up to see the small Mary Mystic Rose statue of the Virgin Mary -- which appears to be weeping tears of blood, the Ultimas Noticias newspaper reports.

The statue at Belen College, a "servant of Jesus" named Maritza told the paper, "cried of sadness" because many of God's children "have a heart of stone."

The paper says a video shows the statue weeping on Monday. Another episode in which the statue bled from its eyes occurred Wednesday.

The Roman Catholic Church says it will investigate.

-0- NEWS OF OTHER LIFE FORMS The Fed Ex facility at the Port Columbus airport in Ohio was evacuated after a small package containing organs from birds that had tested positive for the West Nile Virus exploded.

WTAM-TV in Cleveland reports Ohio Health Department officials said the virus was live -- but Fed Ex workers should not worry.

Since the virus was frozen, the only way it could be transmitted is if someone with an open wound came into direct contact with it, WTAM reports.

There was no evidence anyone had tampered with the package.

-0- TODAY'S SIGN THE WORLD IS ENDING Mooning the judge will get you another six months. It was that simple in an Athens, Texas, courtroom for 40-year-old Ray Mason who had just pleaded guilty to aggravated assault.

The Athens Daily Review reports Mason was sentenced to eight years in prison and then, as he crossed in front of the bench on his way to his seat, he dropped his pants and gave Judge Jim Parsons a full view of his soon-to-be-incarcerated derriere.

Apparently not satisfied with just Parson's purview, Mason did a little pirouette and showed the entire courtroom.

Parsons didn't think it was funny, the paper notes, adding six months to Mason's sentence for contempt of court.

-0- AND FINALLY, TODAY'S UPLIFTING STORY Readlyn, Iowa, is known for being the home of 857 friendly people and one old grump. A sign outside town even says so.

This weekend the fun begins -- choosing the one old grump for 2003 -- and the Waterloo Courier reports six finalists are vying for the title.

The paper says residents will vote at the Readlyn Community Club membership dinner and a grump coronation is the defining moment of Readlyn's Grump Days celebration in June. The winner will be crowned with a ceremonial white baseball cap at the beginning of Grump Days.

Qualifications are easy -- you must be at least 65 years old and live in town. You don't even have to be grumpy.